He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
