Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
