My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
