I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
