you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
