Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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