Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
