I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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