At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize
