So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
