Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
