she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
