he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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