He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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