I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
