Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
