I just made out with a guy for $7.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
