I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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