My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
