Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
