This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
