Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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