My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
