These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
