I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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