sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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