I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
