I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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