She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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