He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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