i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
