I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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