Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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