thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
