it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
