Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
