I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
