I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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