He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
