I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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