My friends, they love my intelligence
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
