i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
