i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
