remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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