the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
