will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
