omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
