Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
