There r osticjed everywhere
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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