Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
