I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
