yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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