Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
one might say we're banned from that church
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
