ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
