just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
