So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
