he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
