I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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