so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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