What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
