I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
