he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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