Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
