the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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