They should really pass out barf bags in church
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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