i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
