Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
